Jonathan James

Last Updated: 2/17/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 28
Sign: Libra

City: Nashville
State: Tennessee
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/23/2004

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Thursday, July 19, 2007 

Current mood:  mellow
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Does anyone else find me this shallow? What a cliché load of crap. How does this do anything for people?
"If I could comprehend God completely, God wouldn't be worth bothering about. I'm finite, God is infinite; the finite cannot comprehend the infinite. But we get enough glimpses."
- A fabulous blog

Reminds me of the Alanis "Ironic" song. Let's throw out a bunch of opposites and sound poetic.

I apologize in advance for bitching about this. I should cancel this post... but I've invested at least three minutes into composing it. Can't let time go to waste. Oh, I need to go to bed, speaking of which!
Currently listening:
Warm Strangers
By Vienna Teng
Release date: 24 February, 2004
Tuesday, July 17, 2007 

Current mood:  confused
This is making me cry...

Maybe i'm the joker
Maybe i'm the fool in your eyes
Maybe i'm the weak one
Maybe i'm a lie in disguise
Maybe i'm angry
Cause i'm the one whos always wrong
Maybe i'm not the one whos so strong
But did ya think about it
Did ya pull it in and pull out
Could you live without me
Did you ever really have a doubt
But do you understand it baby
When you say its over its done
Maybe i'm not the one

So If you're gonna Leave
Ya you better get going
Cause I ain't wasting no more time
What ya did and what ya didn't
So if you're gonna leave
Ya you better start running
Cause I ain't wasting no more time
What it might have been

We can stand on reason
We can fight about all the things
This isn't for forever
This is more than a wedding ring
But do you understand it baby
When you say its over its done
Maybe i'm not the one

So If you're gonna Leave
Ya you better get going
Cause I ain't wasting no more time
What I did and what I didn't
So if you're gonna leave
Ya you better start running
Cause I ain't wasting no more time

Whoa did it happen again
The things that you wanted
for being a friend
How did it happen again
Just look onward baby
cause some day you might need a friend

So If you're gonna Leave
Ya you better get going
Cause I ain't wasting no more time
What We did and what we didn't
So if you're gonna leave
Ya you better start running
Cause I ain't wasting no more time
I ain't wasting no more time
What it might have been
Currently listening:
Cigarettes & Gasoline
By Emerson Hart
Release date: 17 July, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007 

Current mood:  blah
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
If anyone else is obsessed with Bruce Lee, let me know if you want to watch any of his movies with me. I recently bought all five of his headlining movies and would love to have other fans to watch them with me!!
Currently watching:
Bruce Lee Ultimate Collection (The Big Boss / Fist of Fury / Way of the Dragon / Game of Death / Game of Death II)
Release date: 18 October, 2005
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 

Current mood:  cheerful
Category: Life
Yay. An optimistic moment to share. Although, I must say, it's annoying when such passion arrives and I fear the loss of it almost as much as I enjoy the moment itself. This reminds me of a book I recently read on Fear - it mentioned the commonality of being impatient with the highs and lows of life. Art, words, and life are rarely containable. "Little did he know..."

Just watched *Stranger Than Fiction* on DVD with my roommate. I was pleasantly surprised by the thoughtfulness of the film. I like thinker-movies. While the narration of the film ended up pushing the point at the end, I didn't think it needed explaining. I was also a little perturbed by the *About A Boy*ish feel to it, but maybe that's just because it was a British voice. (Not that I don't like British voices - they're incredibly sexy, actually; I just didn't feel like being reminded of Hugh Grant in a Will Ferrel and Dustin Hoffman movie.)

So what's to share? Intense brain activity, I guess. What is there ever really to share with friends other than time and thoughts, no matter how pointless? I'm really happy that I can talk about things in my life now without feeling like I'm letting someone down. I don't know what influenced me to be so selfless (in a bad way) as I grew up. As I've mentioned in my previous blog rants, I've spent most of my life pleasing other people without understanding what pleases me. Ironically, hedonism seems to be the key to compassion (from a non-Christian perspective, though*). I truly feel on the verge of a self-revelation. Maybe I'll finally get some insight into what I want to do with my life, both romantically and professionally. Then again, most things like that don't just happen. Well, maybe the romantic part, but professionally, it seems like the only way to have a dream is to create one. Hmmm.... Thanks to Janie, Jon, Valerie, and Sara (just to name a few) for good conversations recently about love, by the way. It's very calming to be able to share my feelings with people who don't assume that they've got everything in life figured out. It is possible to be frank, joyful, afraid, and honest all at once!

I've heard mixed reviews on *Stranger Than Fiction*. LET'S HAVE A VOTE: Did you think it was boring, as my roommate did, or did it make you think?

P.S. Mr. Goodbar is my new favorite chocolate bar. Where's Ms. Goodbar?

*Desiring God (1996), preface.
Currently watching:
Stranger Than Fiction
Release date: 27 February, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007 

Current mood:  aggravated
First, let me say: Start with my P.S. below. Yes, the last paragraph of this blog entry. Okay, onto the meat: psychotic vomit - you know, when you just want to get out all your thoughts and you seriously don't care who's there to listen and have to deal with your psychological issues! I'm trapped, and can't decide how to "be comfortable with myself." Every time I try, I end up just being someone else (a poser) regardless... as I try to rephrase later in this rant, too. Now I understand why maccauley wrote his rambling novel yet didn't give a shit whether it meant anything to other people. So was it wrong for him to capitalize off his fame? here you go, people, I'm writing this for everyone pretending that I'm angry just to get attention. There, deal with it. Greetings to my Facebook friends (you know who you are, but don't pay too much attention to this sentence).

I'm not supposed to overanalyze, yet I'm not supposed to be afraid to share time (& anaylzations) and my thoughts with people, either. I feel like a shitball when people say they want to talk to me yet tell me that I'm thinking about things too much and "being too serious; you need to just not take life so seriously. it's too short to worry about." Maxims are annoying. I've heard that pot does make you more intellectually aware, but that's probably just the way that I respond to the drug. So I'm back at square one here doing my own thing. The seesaw balance just never evens out. Why aren't my maxims as good as the next guy's? Why do we guage popularity. Why do I just want to be loved??

Who's gonna step up to the plate and try to answer these questions? Beware, you'd have to get serious; and it might turn our friendship into somthing more. And then I'll hurt you and people will look at me like an asshole.... and my whole goal is to be "self happy".

"Maturity" is a bitch. It's really just a simplification! Everybody simplifies more easily, too; yet were's so judgemental on the ONE right way to mature. I hate admitting that I "wasn't mature enough yet to get married." I'm "only allowed to tell this to certain people." Why do we write these things down - who do we want to be able to read them? what power does putting something on paper have? Why philosophize if you don't have answers. because life is a balance. I'm just throwing it all out on the table; haven't balanced it yet. Don't know if it even needs to be balanced, but I'm putting it out there for all to see anyway because i want them to think that I'm worth something, i want people to share in my accomplishments, yet not envy me. Have i mentioned that I just feel like everything is an oxymoron tonight? Hopeuflly this is one of the few times that i'll feel this way - really hope it's not the pot. For one of my lovers, pot is a trigger or something seriously bad, whether it was a serious thing in her past, or she just fears it in general on principle. One moment I want to be "me" but the minute I start concentrating on that, I start using someone else's thinkings or quotes to explain what I'm doing and feeling at the moment; this is the kind of judgement I hated getting from my wife. we borrow from people all the time, yet want to idolize individuality, too. Oh, but christians have it all figured out - yes, had to get my religious quip of the day in there, too.

Yay, I wrote what I wanted. Did you know that I was high through this whole writing session. I'm sure that will color the "lense" that you read this through now that you know I "wasn't in my right mind." See, maxims can be used all day... to NO AVAIL. That's what the movie 300 should have said: NO AVAIL (instead of THIS IS SPARTA); yes, I mean that sarcastically. How's that for a cliche movie-quoting ending to a story (if you could call it a story)?

P.S. Respond soon, otherwise I'll be up all night waiting for responses! Either respond seriously or just say, "relax, to to bed." Again, I warn you, careful of your response, though, because I may take it too seriously and get into that whole seriously-involved type of relationship with you!
Currently listening:
By Papa Roach
Release date: 19 May, 2005
Sunday, April 08, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Here I am writing about everyone and no one in particular. I'll be vague to protect the guilty parties. Why am I such a forgiving person? Some people may see me as having a walk-all-over-me personality; she, in particular, sees this about me. Maybe she's just the brutally honest friend in my life - yet, her "honesty" is also what keeps her from being a good match for me. Hopefully this last part will make more sense as you keep reading.

Many of you know that I now have a very repugnant view of marriage. This "match" I speak of above doesn't exist for moderates like me. I'm too indecisive to be a reliable partner. So much of the world has this esoteric ideal that the best way to raise a family is to follow the (in no particular order) love-monogamy-marriage-house-children track. Why is my view of intimacy and love so different from the world's? I've been having the best three months of my life, emotionally; am I riding some sort of immoral wave that's going to crash, or is this simply another way to live? Please don't judge me if we haven't had more than five minutes of conversation since December.

It seems that my repugnant view of monogamy (which really is only a good system for about 20% of the population) is reason enough, for some people, to be dropped from the face of the earth. It's as if my beliefs now make me a morally and relationally reprehensible person. Do me a favor: research polyamory and think about why you get jealous and why/how you love (people, things, animals, etc.). As always, Wikipedia is a good starting place.

It seems that the more I try to explain, the more complicated it gets. I guess that's why there's no definitive Universal Guide to Relationships out there. Hope you enjoyed this, one of my infrequently public rants.

Most of you will probably miss this part since I'm adding this paragraph a few days later. I'm quite bitter about my divorce, if you can't tell. It's really not something that can be put into words easily. I hate feeling like a useless, boring, leech to my "friends". Why do people ignore me instead of just saying they don't feel like hanging out? Do I just have too much time on my hands these days? Go ahead and answer - I don't mind being insulted; I prefer that to deception or politeness.
Currently listening:
Turn Around
By Jonny Lang
Release date: 19 September, 2006
Sunday, October 24, 2004 

Current mood:  drained
Wow.  Go figure.  The night I sign up is the night that myspace starts having all sorts of errors!  No wonder I was so dissatisfied with the site.  Poor webmasters - hope they get their act together!